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Meditation Diary 3#
The leaves are falling more like rocks now as they harden on the branch as we get deeper into Autumn.
I really needed to be in two places today, either lose time waiting for an order or have my whole week screwed up if the delivery driver decided to not deliver to an empty house. I decided to wait and hence had time to do another meditation.
Also had a new dilemma today. I had fallen behind with my write up, didn’t want the previous insights to float away like shadows. I have been meditating in an intentional manner since the summer but I had only been writing up for a few days. So this was new. Should I write up or meditate ? I chose the latter and the results were interesting.
I have the choice to start or not start the meditation but I don’t know where my engine will take me while it is settling. In the instance it became a reflection on the last meditation and another piece of a mental jigsaw I seem to keep returning to, which I will try to describe.
Rather appropriate for this time of year a reflection reflected within another reflection reminiscent of some of the horror films of this period. You start with one story without realising it is framed within another story which refers to a special manuscript. As you watch your sense of reality is loosened and by contrast the story gains power.
Definitions are difficult on the edge of belief and rationality..
This led into another reverie. I have only just been able to do this again from all the sadness and loss I had become blocked in some way. It is a luxurious feeling that I had all but forgotten. So I allowed myself to sink into it. I begin to realise in this state solutions are waiting to be collected like harvesting a crop. That last part you just couldn’t reach before, is there for the taking. On this occasion my memory brought me back to an astral projection, a clumsy term but definitions are difficult when you are on the edge established belief and rationality.
An unwitting imposter…
Technically I believe I have been in two places at once although my consciousness has only seemed to be in one. In the experience I felt myself few feet away from my body. I heard ‘myself’, my body, shouting out. The moment I realised I was back normal again. At the time I was a kid and I found these events an exciting adventure, I didn’t know anything about quantum theory. Now I reflected, it could I have been like the waves-particle paradox but in a more direct way than of scientists observing an event attempting to be detached. Rather as I became aware of the duality I decohered like the act of the scientist observing a quantum phenomena as it decoheres to a single particle. Maybe my consciousness was that particle. Was I an unwitting imposter in an alternate universe ?
Now I was waiting for the next leaf to fall, I had lost the moment. I got up and stretched my legs. My tea had gone cold and one of my legs was numb. 45 mins had gone in a blink.